Oooh what a palava! (cant think who it was who used to say that?!)
Been out to visit a gent tonight at his hotel, lovely exclusive Georgian hotel in commuter belt country. Fortunately as you will see both of us were running a bit late, him because his flight was delayed and me deciding to drive as the trains were playing up (wrong sort of sunshine?)
Pleased with myself for finding the hotel straight off I pulled into the driveway, the plan was that my gent would meet me by the entrance and we would amble up to his room together. A strange site greeted me, not one gentleman waiting patiently by the door but the entire residents of the hotel, being a private hotel there must have only been 25 or so people standing there, but there they were, fire bell ringing standing there, some in their jimmy jams idly watching the lady pulling up in her car!
I rang my gents phone as requested and watched the little crowd to see who would answer a mobile, sure enough a gent similar age to myself picked up, we decided that the only option was for me to join him. All eyes were watching me get (hopefully gracefully) out of the car and join Mr. X in the gaggle of people.
Making polite talk with Mr X, and wondering how long we would all be standing there I was suddenly aware of a buzzing coming from my bag, dont think at this point Mr.X could hear anything until I fumbled in my bag to find my new rampant rabbit thruster had turned itself on, frantically trying to turn the blasted thing off I managed to turn it up a speed so it was thrusting manically in my bag with the vibrations getting stronger by the minute. A rather stern looking lady standing next to me was looking quite alarmed at my bag as the vibrations were causing loose change to clink and rattle inside, once again I put my hand inside the bag and fumbled blindly with the switches only this time I managed to turn the clitoral stimulater on as well, my bag seemed to have come alive, the lady stepped away fearing I imagine that I had Basil the rat in there! Well the ice was well and truly broken with Mr.X! At last I managed to stop it by fiddling with the batteries.
The next fiasco was the rollcall of residents everyone had to put their hands up when their name was called out to check no-one was in the building. By this time I thought I had stepped onto the set of Candid Camera, after a few names were called out and accounted for another was called out “Miss Swallow” my gent looked at me and whispered “Is that you”? “No sorry not me”. Next name “Miss Love” “that could be me” I said.
To cap it all the next name was called out … unbelievably the name “Randy Riot” echoed across the courtyard “Is that you”? I whispered to Mr. X.
The firebrigade turned up and thankfully we were counted back into the hotel. Everyone was accounted for plus one extra guest… Mr.X had somehow acquired one buxom strumpet in the melee.
Jx

I have been out of my country hideaway this week, went to Central London for a couple of days for a mini tour, makes a nice change, time to do a little shopping too. Saw some nice gents .. took myself for a meal in the evening but the water in the apartment was freezing cold .. so the guys were having cold showers, didn’t seem to dampen their ardour though!
I have decided that I will stay a couple of days a week in London, nice contrast for me, countryside and city lights, return the compliment to some of the gents who wind their way down the country lanes to my cottage and see some others who dont like driving too much. Feel a little wilder too when staying away, I suppose its knowing that you wont have the chance of unexpected visitors or the Vicar knocking on the door, dropping by to collect money for the church roof or suchlike ..not that this has happened yet to me and long may it continue like that!
I have decided I have become a snob, a stocking snob that is, seem to be spending a small fortune on them .. I just have to have the fully fashioned seamed ones these days, without any lycra, they feel so much better, very smooth and silky and I like the way they ‘strain’ upwards when clipped onto the suspenders without stretching upwards, I am enjoying caressing my own legs and thighs at the moment! Not so good though when you stick a long finger nail through them when unwrapping a pair for the first time, will have to get some silk gloves to apply them soon.
Found out I am definately allergic to some of the flavoured condoms .. I can remember the vanilla ones making my lips (on face) into a trout pout, the same with the banana ones, I only have to have touched my face with a finger and the tingling starts, dread to think what they must put in the flavourings most probably the same stuff as smarties or jelly babies .. could explain some forms of hyperactivity .or does one need bromide for that?!
The hayfever I had is dying down now, someone told me to obtain some local honey, take a tablespoon a day, it definately works, would recommend that to anyone who suffers with it… as long as you have some local beehives .. but then again bees fly everywhere, so who knows how far they travel .. hmmm wondering if that is bit of a myth now!
Been having a daily call usually 10.30am on the dot from a strange character who invariably says “Josephine you ain’t half got some t*ts on you” … hmmm thanks for letting me know, I hadn’t noticed until you kindly pointed it out! In fact this is the second bout of these calls .. thought he had given up, nowt as queer as folk.
Jx

 

Just finished watching a period drama, 1700′s, my god the mens fashion then makes me feel like getting hold of a time machine, jumping in pressing button for the 18th century, I wouldn’t be able to trust myself though once I arrived … think the best thing would be to start up business as a courtesan so I could indulge myself with those frock coats and frilly shirts, not to mention those tight fitting breeches as much as my ardour allowed me! Love the look of those frilly shirts undone at the neck, the look of the frill around the cuff with a masculine hand being caressed by the frill and lace … phew and as for those belts with big buckles and maybe a musket held in place there too … heaven! The ponytails too tied up with velvet ribbon … oh yes siree!
I am sorely tempted to buy such an outfit and hang it in my wardrobe so beware you gents, you might find yourselves being cast back in time if you visit me!! I will join you dressed in the costume of the day too, all big skirts, corsets and frilly gipsy style tops … pass the bromide vicar!
Jx

I have a new fascination for a certain article of clothing for gentlemen ……. Kilts .. phew feeling all flustered just thinking about them!
Could this be because I have just come back from a break in Scotland? Possibly and maybe keeping my libido in check for two weeks has some bearing on it too.
After spending two weeks in a very remote part of Scotland, walking, painting and just chilling I thought I would venture to a town and have a wander around. The day I chose there was a large clan gathering so there were many people around from all parts of the world coming home to enjoy time with other members of the clan. I had never thought much about men in kilts until then although I liked the look of them. Im wondering just what it is that I like, the whole thing really, I love the look of the big leather belt with large buckle, the swing of the kilt when the gent walks and the look of strong calves covered with the long socks, seeing the muscles bulge through the socks phew .. and the hairiness of the leg around the knee is a site to behold. The sporran is a part that I couldn’t take my eyes off, hanging in such a place as it does is not good for ladies with an imagination like mine it leads to my fascination with erections behind fabric and my mind was wandering wildly wondering if the gent had a semi-erection whether the sporran would get pushed outwards or if the sporran was pushed out the way would I be able to see the material of the kilt being pushed out at an angle …?!Its made me realise too how it must feel to be a guy and see a lady in a skirt and what lies underneath .. the thought of having a kilted gent sitting next to me on my sofa is something that keeps springing into my head, I can imagine how it must feel to gently caress his bare knee and gradually stroke my hand higher up his skirt feeling the hair on his thigh and then letting my hand wander further up ..oh yes how I long to know for sure what he might or might not be wearing under there!
Think I might keep an eye out for clan gatherings in future … I can feel a Scottish tour coming on!
Jx

Lovely to feel it getting slightly warmer and seeing little flowers popping up everywhere, there is certainly something about the feeling of Spring getting closer that makes my primeval urges get stronger by the day! Maybe its because I love the countryside and am quite in tune with nature, maybe its because of the lovely gents who I have introduced to some “country pursuits” since starting incalls. whatever is causing it, long may it last, I will forget the bromide and enjoy the mating game for all its worth, but do beware “The management will not be held responsible for any groin strains, exhaustion, or grins that wont go away”.

Something I dont seem to have had for a while is a “quicky”. Not having a boyfriend or doing half hour bookings seems to mean that they are few and far between, not something I want all the time but it’s nice occasionally to be perhaps running a bath or maybe washing up and feeling the hardness of something pressing in your back, and be wearing something accessible and have ruderies there and then, and then carry on with the mundane household chore … Ooooh Matron dooo behave!
Warmer days in the countryside definately bring out an earthy side to me .. it certainly has some affect as I have suddenly acquired a couple of saucy gentleman farmers on my books.
Washed scrubbed and glowing with all the sunshine a good Kent day brings, plus a gift of a bunch of asparagus and local Kent Strawberries went down well with me, (I did the same later..) along with the faint aroma of diesel mingled with soap and shampoo.
I have promised to dress as a wench for the next visit, all heaving bosoms and full skirts, something I have wanted to do for a while and we can relive days gone by of the lusty country folk.
A walk in the woods is planned too with a nice gent from London, hope he brings his suncream for his bottom if the weather is hot!
I like having the best of both worlds as the vast majority of outcalls are to London or airports, so I am not always the country wench but I must say that I do love the countryside, everyday I marvel at the beauty of it, the colours, blossoms and scents .. not so happy with the hayfever that accompanies it though but they do say that sneezing is a mini orgasm … must have had 20 plus today!
Jx

  What a confusing day for me yesterday. Firstly I had double booked myself, with a gent coming to see me for a couple of hours in the day, then another for same time in the evening, dont usually like to have more than one liason in a day but I honoured my agreement … sort of!
My evening gent travelled a long way to visit me, and when he arrived I went outside to meet him, he hugged me and told me I was “gorgeous” and “glamourous” which was a good start.
I then led him by the hand to my cosy hideaway … then the strangeness began. Firstly he couldn’t believe I was a “prostitute” and that he was offered a bite to eat and drinks of his choice, thought it really odd ….!? I like to have my home ready and cosy for my gents so I light candles dim the lights, have an open fire, nice music playing etc …. to begin my seduction … he couldn’t believe this though and insisted that I must have a husband or boyfriend hidden in the house who I had done all this for, and that my home was too nice for me to possibly be a “prostitute” he wanted to search the rooms etc, saw my muddy wellingtons by the back door and insisted they were a mans! I showed him the bedroom (lit with candles too) and he said he couldn’t possibly “have” me in there as it was my bed and too nice!! I was very confused by this time and asked him to be honest, was I not what he thought I would be?… perhaps he didn’t really fancy me ..? but no he said he fancied me like mad!
Eventually I sat him down and found out that the gent had only ever visited a parlour and was utterley amazed that this side of the industry existed, was it real?? It was like being with a lover/mistress who was going to seduce you …….. erm yes that was the whole point!!
Anyway the upshot of it all is that he had booked me for 2 hrs, stayed for 20 mins and paid me for an hour!
And finally he has rang apologised again and would like to meet me next week in a hotel in London!
Nowt as queer as folk …

Something that does occasionally worry me in this job and out of it too, is the number of men who have or maybe have undiagnosed heart disease.
Not necessarily a disease of the older person, indeed I know a couple of people who have had heart bypasses in their early forties.
Im no doctor but I have lived and socialised with people with this and one of the symptoms is angina, where the heart is starved of oxygen because of the diseased muscle.
I have been in a situation where angina has occurred and thankfully the person has had on them an angina spray pump Glyceryl trinitrate, which they spray under their tongue causing the arteries to open and for the blood to be pumped more efficiently. I have also been in a situation where someone had a heart attack and I remembered that giving them an aspirin is a good measure thankfully it helped and the paramedics said that it had reduced the severity of the attack.
This leads me to the main point of this post, because of a family member who has serious angina I keep a Glyceryl trinitrate pump in my house just incase they forget theirs when they visit. A few months back I decided that I would carry one around with me in my handbag along with a pack of aspirins just incase I ever came across someone in difficulty and if something occurred during an appointment with me.
Well I had to put my supplies to good use this week, a gentleman had an attack of angina while with me and had forgotten his spray, he was in agony and thankfully I produced the spray, a couple of puffs under his tongue and he was fine .. thank god for it!
You can purchase a Glyceryl trinitrate pump over the counter at boots for peanuts they are life savers along with aspirin and I would recommend any lady having them in her bag of tricks.
For anyone wondering about angina a basic link here.

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/angina.html

Sorry to have such a maudlin post but such a simple thing can save a life.

Have been thinking this weekend about dates .. nope not courting sort of dates but conception dates.
I know a lot of people who were born the first few days of October including myself .. think back, work it out, we were conceived New Years eve! Haha I will have to have a word with my parents and ask them if they had fun all those years ago on NYE and was my conception no doubt due to over consumption of alcohol?!
Bet you know someone who has a birthday beginning of October too?
I have been partying this weekend it was a close friends birthday too, great to see lots of old faces and catch up over a gin & tonic or ten, I find that g&t doesn’t give me a hangover, well not as much as some wines do. I love wine but am particular with what sort I drink, suppose it has something to do with my parents who certainly like a drink and used to encourage my sister and I to drink wine from an early age with dinner:) They were of the opinion that it stopped teenagers abusing alcohol if they were allowed it from a young age … hmmmm not necessarily true haha I remember my first time away from my parents I drank a few barley wines in bottles through a straw! Was I drunk or what, it is a terrible drink, think it is about 10% and the sort of thing you imagine old men with red noses drinking, not “delicate” young ladies?! I don’t think I could ever drink it again even if I was paid a lot of money, makes my stomach churn thinking about it .. yuk!
Had a nice week, had a couple of dates which were nice long appointments. On one we went into town and ensconsed ourselves in a good old London boozer. Sitting chatting with my gent in the packed pub a couple of men joined our table, one of which seemed very elderly, bright red nose (barley wine?) he took rather a shine to me and kept interruping our conversation, would I stay and chat with him, nice lady etc etc .. then as me and Mr. X were getting up to leave he called out “Where did you find him then”? If only he knew … how tempting it was to call back “Punterlink infact!” Wonder if he would have still thought I was a “nice lady?!” Well I am a nice lady, a nice lady with a slightly unusual job I suppose.
We wandered around and had a peep at the walk-ups the upstairs windows glowing a deep cerise, same job different way of doing it I suppose. I was intrigued and went up to a door to peer up only to find myself nearly smacking noses with a gent who was hurriedly coming out doing up his cufflinks ..ooops! After dinner we went back to Mr. Xs club for some shuteye and “things”. Always manage to stay awake nearly all night and then when its time to vacate the room the next day, Im rushing around frantically trying to get ready, recovering stray stockings and lost knickers from dark corners and searching manically for my sunglasses to cover my puffy, tired eyes.
Sometimes I giggle to myself with this job, pulled over in a layby as my naughty phone was ringing, went to answer and was greeted by a lot of crackling then my private phone rang so I answered that too, it was my mum nattering about everyday stuff then my naughty phone cleared and a voice asked me if I did watersports, what a contrast, mother talking about the weather and dull relatives and another voice asking me about certain sex acts of a urinary nature .. such a double life!
Looking forward to this week, off on a trip with a lovely gent somewhere nice and warm, will be fun to be Mr. & Mrs. Smith for a few days … anyway I’m rambling away here but its good to talk (type).

A part of escorting that I enjoy ( as well as the obvious) is the diverse conversations that take place horizontally. Here are just a few snippets that were voiced post coitally this week ….
1. How to embalm a body.
2. 9/11 was planned well in advance by Bush, and other extraordinary conspiracy theories.
3. How to grow asparagus to perfection.
4. How to kill someone outright by pressing certain parts of the anatomy.
5. Live WW1 unexploded bombs are regularly put along the roadside in Flanders awaiting collection from the military.
6. The high amount of people suffering from hayfever and other allergies is caused through the lack of worms and parasites these days in the human body.
7. Do vaginal muscles get tighter the longer one escorts.(on the same note, have Josephines breasts got bigger the longer she has been escorting)
8. The pros and cons of circumcision.
9. Do ladies who ejaculate really pee themselves, if not what does the liquid consist of, if analyised under a microscope.
10. Was Brian Jones murdered.
Keep the conversations up gents, Im always up for a good discussion (amongst other things!)
Jx