This morning while out and about I  became conscious of the fact that I had worn the wrong bra underneath a fairly tight T-shirt, my breasts were starting to come over the top of the bra and one of my nipples kept peeking out too.  With every step I took I could feel my breasts jiggling around like the proverbial puppies in a sack and desperately wished I had a jacket to cover up with although that would have been absurd in this hot sultry weather!
Well you couldn’t make it up but as I was self consciously bouncing and wobbling along the pavement I could see a group of workmen ahead of me laying pipes at the side of the road with all sorts of diversions of the pavement which only allowed you to walk into the road around the hole they had dug. It struck horror in my heart and my stomach dropped, what is it with workman, why do they have that effect on us ladies?!   Yes you’ve got it I got the full works including “Bet you don’t get many of those to the pound” & “Theres enough there for all of us” and oh I can hardly bear to write it …. “Well it’s not cold so you must be pleased to see us!” with regard to my poor nipples poking out underneath the fabric!
Although it is quite amusing in a “Carry on” sort of way, I find it intimidating, embarrassing and stuck for words when this sort of thing happens and it makes me feel how I used to feel when I was a lot younger and totally embarrassed by my large breasts.
Strangely it is a different matter when I see you lovely Gentlemen, I love to show them off in sexy expensive lingerie and am happy to show large amounts of cleavage and a lot more but then again the chaps I see are of a different ilk and I can’t imagine a single one of you shouting out in the street to a poor maiden struggling with her bosoms. (not saying you wouldn’t look though!)
x

 

 

I have noticed a recent trend by Floozies on Strumpet forums to address all and sundry as “hun”, what’s this all about?
The only hun I can think of is Attila, King of the Huns, and the rate things are going it will soon be necessary to appoint a Queen of the Huns. Nope I’m not fond of the word as you might have guessed, the same goes for “babe” please don’t ever call me babe or write it in an email, call me anything you like apart from babe, even Late for breakfast!
x

In Latin, the word “penis” originally meant “a tail.” The Latin “penis” is related to the verb pendere meaning “to hang down.”

I find it hard (pardon the pun) to know what to call the male sex organ.  Penis sounds like a word the Doctor would use “Hop up on the couch Mr. Bloggs so I can examine your Penis” it wouldn’t sound right or very sensuous for me to use that word in the boudoir, I usually use words which uttered out of the bedroom could sound rather crude but when in the heights of passion earthy and “vulgar” words can sound highly erotic including the strong Anglo Saxon word beginning with C (See you next Tuesday) This word was of common parlance and acceptable up until the Victorian period.

The word willy Is quite childish but a word I often use on forums when the word Penis sounds too clinical or cock too crude.
Going back to the Doctor again can you imagine him saying “Right Mr. Smith do drop your trousers so I can have a look at your Spam Javelin?” or “Tell me Mr. Jones how did you get your Veiny Bang Stick stuck in the end of the vacuum cleaner?”  Ah yes there are some funny words to describe your one eyed trouser snake, “Pork sword” is a good one as is “The Right Honourable Member for Underpants.” “Todger” I have heard occasionally and of course the traditional “John Thomas”, wonder who he was, I think there is a connection with Lady Chatterley’s Lover?
I have also heard your Schlong referred to as a “Yard arm” in an ancient book.
Another ancient name for your wifes best friend (?!) is “Arbor Vitae” which interestingly translates from the Latin as “Tree of life” which is spot on.

I can think of many more unmentionable words for your Vagina Miner but am too much of a lady to reveal them on here, maybe I might tell you one to one when I am being aquainted with your Purple-helmeted Warrior of Love …

A little song for you to celebrate your pride and joy.
x

 

 

~ Dorothy Parker/Josephine Darling

Apologies if I haven’t been too prompt in answering your emails and messages this past week but I seem to have been in demand for overnight entertaining which leaves a lady somewhat tired in the day after being awake the majority of the night jigging, jiving and horizontal dancing. It suits me though as I am a bit of a Vampire, (or should that be Vamp?) I come alive at night.
I love to be able to make a gent eventually fall asleep in the small hours, exhausted, which seems to encourage loud snoring (or is that my cooking?!) which is good as it can drown out my lady-like snores … should they occur!
J, you have left your shaving foam and D you have left your ……… pants!

Will get right on to my emails and messages on Monday and look forward to seeing you.
x

… wrote a gentleman in one of my Punternet reviews!
 

I suppose cunning is more apt for me where my knickers are concerned but it has been known for me to carelessly forget my knickers when I have spent what seems like an age clipping my stockings onto my suspenders.

Knickers should always be worn over the top of ones stockings and suspenders, never beneath, apart from looking wrong it is a huge, nigh on impossible task for a gent to remove your knickers if they are beneath. Worn over the top they are easily slipped off revealing a lady garden nicely framed by the remaining lingerie.

I enjoy with or without depending on how the mood takes me. I love to watch a gents face (and fly area!) as he slowly slides his hand up my thigh to the bare bit above my stocking top and then discover the rest is bare too, similarly I love the feel of lacey or satin knickers against my skin and the feeling of tampering around with the knickers plus it leaves more to a gents imagination knowing that there is something waiting impatiently for him beneath the fabric.

I am not a lady who really likes thongs, although I am happy to wear them if a gent requests them. Skimpy panties I enjoy wearing but I do love frou frou and French knickers, nice loose leg holes too which gives easy access when indulging in foreplay … ooh yes i’m tingling now!  I’m more of a traditional wench when it comes to womens undergarments (although I will draw the line at bloomers and a vest!) as you have probably gathered I love traditional lingerie, corsets, and suspenders with authentic metal clasps, none of this pretend plastic stuff for me!  I spend a small fortune on my stockings which I buy from www.stockingshq.com  it’s about time they gave me shares in the company!

Going back to the subject of with or without knickers I did enjoy wearing a nice sensible floral summer dress whilst out shopping and having lunch the other day, looking every inch the lady along with a nice Italian pair of red shoes … well I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what they say about red shoes, they say the same about fur coats!

Anyway I will stop right here before I end up writing very rude things, why do I always feel extraordinarily amorous when I’ve given myself a couple of days off, this strumpeteering certainly gives one an enormous libido.
x

 

… at the end of our lusty encounter on Thursday evening my gorgeous partner in lust re-booked me for the following evening (I think he quite liked me!) and informed me that he would need to be up early Saturday morning as he was going to Lourdes.  I thoughtfully studied his splendid naked physique lying spent beside me and gently asked him if he was OK and whether he needed some sort of healing?
A quizzical look appeared briefly on his face, “Not Lourdes you silly woman” said he, “I’m going to Lord’s, to watch the bloody cricket!”

(and me a brunette too *blush*)
x

… you blow me away!

Sincere apologies, I just couldn’t resist it, it’s been stuck in my head since I mentioned it on a previous blog! (I’m a nice lady really )
Enjoy your Sunday.
x

Hello dearest Gents, yes I’m shamelessly solicting again but I do need to let you know that I will be residing near Covent Garden this Tuesday 8th July, available for an hour or two of Bible lessons … well you did say you wanted to get to know me in the Biblical sense?
Am happy to see you for one hour dates too when in London as I know how pushed for time some of you city boys are.
Looking forward to seducing you …. as always.
x

Had a lovely afternoon today with a dear gent, it’s the second time he has brought his ipod with him and I love it when he sticks it in my docking station, the music’s not bad either!

Anyway enough of these ridiculous double entendres, my mind is becoming very rude these days, it’s very difficult to keep a straight face when your dear Mother informs you that she and your Aunt had the most wonderful “facial” that afternoon (at the local beauty salon) and that I should try it sometime hehehe … or should it be ”Yak, Yak Yak” aka Sid James, him of the dirty laugh and craggy features … go on try saying “Yak” three times it does sound like his laugh (but soften the K!) I can just imagine you sitting there chuckling away like him now?!

Where was I?  Ah yes ipods and cds, so feel free to bring them along with you it’s great to listen to what you enjoy, remember I enjoy all eras of music. Todays was good, my gent was a teenager in the sixties and we had a number of artists including Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers which kept repeating itself over and over as we were too engrossed with making our own music on my bed.  It was a deliciously decadent afternoon as we reclined nude with glasses of bucks fizz, bowls of summer pudding and cream with a punnet of fresh raspberries and a big juicy peach each, we had already enjoyed a light lunch before the horizontal dancing began (I have to keep your energy levels up you know!)

You are always welcome to drinks of your choice and food when you visit me, I hate the thought of a gent arriving hungry for food as well as me. I will even cook you a “Darling style” three course meal on longer (3hrs or more) dates, this is only if you want to eat something more than my goodself, it’s not compulsory you know but do let me know in advance if you want me to be Fanny Craddock for you (you can be Marco Pierre White!) and any likes and dislikes.

Maybe you’re partial to meat and two veg … I know I am
x

 

 

 

I’m quite partial to laying across big brass beds too …

If I had music on my site I would have this today, what a cool dude Mr. Dylan is. I saw him in Wembley last year on his “Modern Times” tour with a gentleman (about Bobs age too ) who likes his music as much as me, ah yes gig appointments are fab and make for good gigging after the musical event.
I don’t like music on websites though, too indiscreet, can you imagine “Sit on my face (and tell me that you love me)” blaring out in the office while you are having a sneaky ogle at strumpet websites?!
Ah but what fun I would have with silly songs, I would change them daily. Nothing slushy though like the vomit inducing Lady in red by Chris de Bleurgghh!
You might be surprised at the wide range of music that I enjoy it ranges from classical Opera to Punk.

I love wartime music too and have a lovely mature gentleman who visits me and we dance away to the sounds of Glenn Miller, Marlene Dietrich (Lili Marlene anyone?!) and other forties icons with me in my seamed nylons, high heels and painted lips and him in his gleaming, highly polished shoes. Memories of wartime Britain spring to mind for him and while we dance away to the strains of “In the mood” it gets him in the mood for sure, we have a splendid time.

I’m so excited as I am going to see another cool singer on Sunday, he’s a legend in my eyes and is only playing down the road from my Sevenoaks lust nest …. wonder if he has somewhere to stay?!
x