Dec
28
Thank you kind sir, ’twas a pleasure and of course it’s a lovely compliment to receive a review, its a great endorsement for me which I welcome.
Dec
16
I am afraid I’m fully spoken for up to the 23rd December. Apologies to you if I haven’t answered your email yet, I have got a bit behind but I haven’t forgotten you and will do so soon but you can always give me a call if you wish.
Are you dear gents all trying to jolly yourselves up by distracting yourselves with a voluptuous wench to take your minds off the impending seasonal visit from the outlaws?!
I will be available (with good notice) for a 2 hour minimum appointment on 29th Dec and then back Strumpeteering properly from 2nd January.
Thank you to my dear Gents both regulars and newcomers(!) with whom I have had the pleasure this past year, I wish you all a happy, healthy, wealthy and amorous new year.
Many thanks to a most charming gent for a delightful new review.
I’m very flattered, what a nice Christmas present to finish off the year, and with a name like yours it’s most apt for this Christmastide, you are definitely …
The First Noel I have had the pleasure to meet!
Dec
05
Hmmmm you naughty boys, I wonder what you were thinking? Well you wouldn’t be far wrong … but I digress. 
Do you know how to keep a bird moist? Maybe you are an experienced old hand in such matters, or possibly you’re new to the art of keeping your chosen bird moist & pliable and a treat to the tastebuds. Do you know how to stuff a bird without running the risk of ending up with the pleasantly plump creature underdone and not quite ready for mastication?
Well Ms. Darling would like to help you out and guide you so you end up with a bird so delicious you will want it more than just on highdays, holidays and Christmas!
Choose a bird with a good amount of meat with large juicy breasts, preferably organic with no artificial saline solution making the breasts look artificially pumped up.
Make sure the bird lives independently in a happy environment and is confident to know that it will end up in capable hands as the crowning glory to your much anticipated feast. It’s always better to pay a bit more and have the assurance that a quality bird is worth it’s weight in gold. Birds that are kept in a forced, production line, conveyor belt environment are best avoided they are often unhappy creatures and I’m quite sure you gents would not want to add to their misery by exploiting them.
Once you have your chosen bird in your hands, carefully separate the skin from the breast meat and add slices of butter so it is completely covering the whole of the ample breasts, once done just press back the skin.
Stuffing a bird is most pleasant but it’s not advisable (in this case) to stuff the cavity as the bird could end up underdone and not ready for your eager mouth. The neck end is the place to stuff, you can find that some birds tend to be able to take quite a bit of stuffing at this end too …
Take a good sized roasting tin and chop up carrots, onions and fresh herbs, sage and thyme are good choices. Add a good amount of white wine and a splash of water to the above and lay your buttered up bird breast down on top (visions of Last Tango in Paris?!) Cover the whole lot with foil and pop in the oven. When your bird is nearly done, remove the foil and place it breast side up, sprinkle with cracked black pepper and sea salt which will make the skin nice and crispy and slide back in the oven for the remaining time.
Once cooked strain the contents of the tray through a sieve and use this to make the gravy, not forgetting to add the sprout water. I will guarantee you will end up with the most deliciously moist bird with soft, sumptuously succulent breasts.
I have not added exact cooking times as all birds vary so you will have to be the guide of that one, but in the 
meantime here is a good link for more advice on the perfect bird. http://www.howtocookathanksgivingturkey.com/
If all else fails and you don’t fancy doing all this, I can think of a bird who fits the description of the title of this blog ….
I hear she enjoys a good stuffing and is often found gobbling in Sevenoaks. (Better stop now before I get too rude!)
x